Happy Holidays (whether you’re feeling like it or not!) Anger and the Holidays
Lately, I've noticed increased stress and decreased patience, both in myself and other people. Yes, it's the holiday season once again. Isn't this supposed to be the most wonderful time of year??
There's so much pressure we put on ourselves and each other, amped up by the relentless marketing of the retail side of the holidays. We still have the same 24 hours in a day as always, but now we're trying to cram as much as (or even more than) possible, into those hours. What gets sacrificed is usually our healthier habits, like sleep, healthy eating, and the activities we do to unwind. Our carefully curated schedules get torpedoed.
We're around people we maybe normally aren't around, or at least not as much, (perhaps for good reasons) the rest of the year. Connection is great, of course. But sometimes there’s all this forced togetherness. Divorce attorneys and counselors know that there's a spike in breakups and divorce filings right after the holidays, January through April. That suggests that a lot of people are suppressing emotions in order to just “get through the holidays and not ruin them.”
Tensions may run high because there are pressures from all angles, but pressure relieving activities, including rest, are often abandoned. There's end-of-the-year projects and goals and the urgency to “get it all done” by year's end.
There may be travel, which can be its own source of seemingly unlimited stressors. It may feel like everybody wants something from you and RIGHT NOW. Your kids, your boss, your colleagues, your partner, your family, and people you don't even know. There's pressure to get a tremendous amount of things done, to do it right and do it right now. All at once.
December is generally the busiest month of the entire year for many people. What if it were a time to slow down and reflect instead? To reflect on how the year went before launching into plans for the upcoming New Year. Say no to things you don't want to do and don't absolutely HAVE to do. Be honest about what really is an absolute have-to, where things will literally fall apart, start fires, and people will die if it doesn't get done level of “must-do.”
Instead of cramming your schedule, clear space. Pare down. Allow yourself permission to do things imperfectly. Hint: it'll be imperfect anyway. Let go of trying to force perfection. If you feel the need to escape, set up break times, exit strategies and build into your schedule and days times to do things that recharge you.
Make sure to pay special attention to the days before and after those times and events that you know from experience may be stressful or dysregulating for you. That's when to ramp up rest and restorative time and self- care in general. Create buffer times, limit your time with people and situations or events that drain you. And/or counterbalance by scheduling time around people and situations or events you find energizing and restorative for you. The more you can take care of yourself, the better the odds that you'll prevent burning yourself out or damaging relationships in times of heightened emotions and stress.
